Wednesday, July 16, 2008

One Hundred and One Reasons Not to Watch TV - April 1992

In the following list of movies from the April 19-25 Oakland Tribune "TV Book" you will find affairs, ancient rituals, bordellos, child abuse, corpses, crimes of passion, dead bodies, devil cults, drugs, drunkedness, eroticism, fatal attractions, ghosts, homosexuality, hookers, infidelity, killing, kinkiness, lust, murder, pedophilia, pornography, prostitutes, rape, Satanism, scandals, seduction, selling souls, sexual triangles, temptation, warlocks, wife sharing, and witches. Is there anything missing?

If this doesn't shock you, in a few days I'll post a similar article I wrote four years later, in 1996. That should be enough.

1. The Bad Seed - Freak accidents force a widow to realize her precocious 9-year-old daughter was born to kill.

2. Badlands - A thrill-seeking teen-age girl joins a garbageman on a South Dakota killing spree.

3. The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant - Two women form a sexual triangle with a fashion designer in her arty apartment.

4. Blame it on Rio - A middle-aged coffee broker eyes his partner's nubile teen-age daughter on vacation in Brazil.

5. Blaze - Louisiana Gov. Earl K. Long has a scandalous late-1950's love affair with stripper Blaze Starr.

6. Body Chemistry - A kinky colleague has a fatal attraction for the married director of a sexual-behavior research lab.

7. The Brotherhood of Satan - The leader of a small-town devil cult seeks young members for ancient rituals.

8. The Burning Bed - A battered wife with three children sets her marital bed on fire with her drunken husband in it.

9. Cannery Row - An ex-ballplayer studies marine biology and a bordello girl in his run- down town.

10. Carmen Jones - A sultry plant worker drives a wartime soldier to murder in Jacksonville, Fla.

11. Cherry 2000 - A 21st-century tracker leads a yuppie to a warehouse of parts for his out-of-order robot sex object.

12. The Comic - A silent-film comedian drinks, cheats on his wife, bullies his buddy, and makes a brief TV comeback.

13. Corvette Summer - A student hooker in a van picks up a Las Vegas-bound teen on the trail of a stolen Stingray.

14. Dream Machine - An heiress gives a Colorado fraternity pledge a Porsche 911, with her husband's corpse in the trunk.

15. Drop Dead Gorgeous - The debut of a fashion model is followed by fame and by people around her being slain.

16. Eleven Days, Eleven Nights - Lusty New Orleans writer meets man getting married in 11 days.

17. The Entity - Psychic-phenomena experts and a psychiatrist treat a California mother for supernatural rape.

18. Escape to Paradise - Frenchwoman tempts man amid balmy island unrest.

19. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) - No explanation needed.

20. Fourth Story - A private eye's client becomes his lover as they search for her husband, who may be someone else.

21. Frankenhooker - A New Jersey mad doctor reguilds his girlfriend with body parts from exploded hookers.

22. Ghosts Can's Do It - No explanation needed.

23. The Good Mother - A Boston woman's ex-husband sues for custody of their daughter after an incident over her live-in lover.

24. Heart Beat - Beatnik drifter Neal Cassady shares his wife, Carolyn, with writer Jack Kerouac.

25. Heat and Dust - An Englishwoman's affair in India parallels her great-aunt's 1920s scandal.

26. Hot to Trot - No explanation needed.

27. Impulse - An undercover Hollywood policewoman goes too far with an assistand district attorney on a drug case.

28. Jaws of Satan - No explanation needed.

29. Lady Chatterley's Passions - No explanation needed.

30. Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III - No explanation needed.

31. Limit Up - A commodities-exchange runner sells her soul to the devil for a chance to trade soybeans.

32. Midnight's Child - A lawyer sees the devil in the Swiss au pair she and her husband have hired for their daughter.

33. Never on Sunday - An American intellectual tries to reform a happy prostitute in Greece.

34. No Secrets - Three teen-age girls play dangerous games with a handsome stranger who has something to hide.

35. The People Across the Lake - A couple and their children move to the country, where they open a shop and find dead bodies.

36. The Postman Always Rings Twice - A drifter stops at a Greek diner and helps the owner's lusty wife become a widow.

37. Pretty Woman - A corporate raider pays a gorgeous hooker to be his escort for a business week in Beverly Hills.

38. Right to Kill - An IRS agent subjects his wife, son, and daughter to daily abuse; his son ends it with a shotgun.

39. Sensual Pleasures - Feuding couple share tour guide in Greek hotel.

40. Shattered Innocence - A Kansas cheerleader turns 18, moves to Los Angeles, and becomes a porno star hooked on cocaine.

41. She Done Him Wrong - Gay '90s saloon-keeper Diamond Lou shoots another woman, seduces a missionary, and sings.

42. Totally Exposed - Tanning-salon co-workers get frank.

43. Twisted Obsession - An American screenwriter feels drawn to a British director's strangely erotic sister in Paris.

44. Unfaithfully Yours - Thinking his wife loves a violinist, a conductor orchestrates a crime of passion for revenge.

45. Valentine Magic on Love Island - A witch and her assistants bring four couples to a resort for a memorable Feb. 14th.

46. Warlock - No explanation needed.

OKAY! I know there aren't 101 movies listed here. Frankly I got really sick of the whole thing after 46. How can people watch this filth? And these were just the blatantly evil movies. There were a much larger number of movies that peddle a more subtle filth.


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